"Pray that I may be rescued from the unbelievers in Judea and that my service in Jerusalem may be acceptable to the saints there, so that by God's will I may come to you with joy and together with you be refreshed."
~ Romans 15: 31-32 ~
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| Some awesome friends and me at one of the local Christmas markets :-) |
This Christmas I had the unique opportunity to "go home for the holidays." With much anticipation and excitement towards the end of December, I geared up for the people I would see, things I would do, and moments that were soon to be had. Even though there were multiple things I was able to do during my break, most of them included visiting and spending unforgettable memories with friends and family. For that in itself I am very grateful.
"And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."
~ Ephesians 2:22 ~
One of the many random conversations that I heard while at home involved dogs. If you have ever noticed, when people start talking about a pet of theirs, especially if it is a dog, one of the first questions asked is, "What breed is it?" or "What type is it?" The question in itself is very interesting - as if knowing its origin or background will be able to tell you all you need to know about that particular pet.
As humans we tend to put ourself in similar situations. It might not be the same question as "What breed are you?" -- but we still ask those
main questions such as "What is your job?," "What is your name?," "Where do you live?," "Where is your family from originally?" We have all done it. For most, this is the
route of getting to know a person. Well, during this particular blog I would like to help you get to know me better as I have come to discover something: I am
Half German - Half American.
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| Katrina and me at our Christmas cookie exchange at my apartment |
Before leaving on a big trip it is always easier to delay the inevitable. After coming home for Christmas and being able to do so many things and see so many people, it was easier for me to push aside the fact that I would have to say goodbye and leave again for another six months. After all, no one else was leaving. As I continued to
NOT prepare myself for the inevitable goodbyes, it turns out it just became
harder afterwards -- almost sending me into a downward spiral. After much processing, contemplation, and tears I finally realized a little bit more about my emotions. Even though
I was the one leaving, it
truly felt as though everyone was leaving me. As if no one cared enough to say, "
I do not want you to leave." It almost felt as though I was waiting for those words, waiting for someone to admit what I
thought they were feeling. Do not get me wrong, I still
think that they were feeling this way -- but shortly after that I began to realize something: my heart was struggling so much because it did not belong in one place. I am currently battling all of these thoughts and emotions because
half of my heart and life is in America, and the other
half is in Germany. Talk about being torn between two places.
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| My roommates and me at the Christmas Dance |
Even though the future is unknown to
everyone except God our Father, I find
peace in that. God
knows me, He
knows the desire of my heart, He
knows how emotionally involved I get with my surroundings (especially the people), and He
knows that I will follow Him wherever He would have me go. He
knew that I would become attached to Germany, He
knew that I would make a space for BFA in my heart, He
knew that I would have a hard time transitioning from one place to the other, and even though all of those things take place and happen daily --
I would have it no other way. God has
truly blessed me in
SO MANY ways that I cannot even begin to verbally explain.
"God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."
~ Hebrews 11:40 ~
God continues to present gifts to me in life that I would never be able to pay Him back for, and the best part -- He does not want me to.
We are
His children and
He LOVES to shower us with gifts -- who am I to deny Him that pleasure? All I know is that among all the "pain" and "suffering," I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me in this next chapter of my life. Let us do it together God, let us do it together.
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My small group girls and co-leader, Katrina, at the Christmas Dance -- LOVE THEM!
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